this is simply a small post from my new phone. find me on facebook for most updates lately.

A shout out to all my fans out there,
It's been a while since I've been updating my blog, but I just wanted to say that there's a LOT more to come very soon. Like next week you should start getting updates on a regular basis. I hope ya'll are interested in my life because that's pretty much going to be the focus. A journal I'll be sharing with all about what's going on in my life.

Current Location: Home
Current Music: I have confidence (The Sound of Music)

I'm supposed to be closing on my house on Monday. I just got a new position at work that I'm super excited about, and I'll start training for this also on Monday. Where Monday was going to be my day off, now I'm working, but I will have the afternoon off. I think I can get it all done, but there are still some problems right now.

Money is tight for working into closing, so my Mortgage Broker who right now has all the information he needs from me is not responding to my calls. What is that all about. He said we needed information on home insurance and asked for the name and number of my agent on Wednesday, then said he would take care of it. I called my insurance agent Thursday, and they hadn't heard from my broker. What does that mean? Does he still need information from that or is my home currently in underwriting and it's just a matter of waiting? If the latter, I really wish it could at least be communicated to me so I would know. If the former, I need to know what I can do as I work this afternoon, and being Friday, wanting to close on Monday I think this can still be done but just need to hear from my Broker!

The second issue I'm somewhat frantic about, and this isn't really a problem, but what will my costs be on Monday. I've already told my broker how much I have, but he hasn't told me how much it will all cost. I assume he should know by now. What more is left to be done. Again, maybe he doesn't and has to wait for some information from the underwriter, but if he would at least let me know.

I wanted to post this before I got the answers, because the relief I'll have at that point would make it so I could not adequately come back and express the anticipation I'm currently feeling. I felt it should at least be documented. I'm not worried about it at all, I just am very excited, and I want to close Monday rather than Tuesday which is my closing deadline. Also, I just want to know if there's anything more I need to do.

Current Mood: frantic

I wanted to write a post that my niece Emma Kate had her blessing today. I was so glad to be able to go. Anne and Steve now have Tanner and Emma as part of their family.

It has been way too long since I've posted anything. Sorry for my faithful readers. I know there are at least three of you out there. I'm going to write for a moment about the home buying process.

I've been looking for about the past five weeks for a house, and narrowing down exactly what I'm looking for and setting long term goals also. I finally have the plan narrowed down to a duplex that I can live in half of and rent the other half for about 1-2 years while saving for other live events, then moving out to rent both halves and buying a second house for myself. It's undecided at this point whether that second house will be an investment property also, but this first one will be.

I've thought of fourplexes in West Valley, and duplexes all over, and initially was focused on single family homes around South Jordan (which, by the way is where I'd love to live with the Oquirrh area sporting an average age of 23.7 yrs. That is possible because 25% of the population is under age 9!) I think I've found the perfect place now though. It's probably officially in the Millcreek area, and the property itself extends to a creek, probably the one from Millcreek Canyon.

This would be a perfect place right now for Audrey as well. I won't go into the specifics on my situation with her in this blog entry, but suffice it to say she'll have her own room, and it's a wonderful location. I'll probably be placing my offer, so everyone wish me luck, and by the time you read this you'll probably already know what happened although I don't know yet, so don't ruin the surprise by telling me.

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: happy

Private post test

I've had a number of friends throughout my life. Some I don't remember very well and other friends I remember everything with. I have also noticed that my memory seems to be much less than it used to be for remembering every fine detail. Some friends I became friends with slowly, others I was in the same group of friends with them and slowly became better friends. (This would also describe my ex-wife Jessi, but though some things in this post relate to her the post is not about her.) There are other friends also who it seems you have known them forever and you're best friends immediately, and it's a friendship to last forever also (like my friend Amberlynn.) I believe this type of friendship is what I want with all my friends and even my acquaintances, especially my wife, but it's nice to start with it and not have to work for it over many years.

My idea of friendship is to completely love my friends. Not in a polyamorfic (look it up, but I know it's conjugated wrong) way, but in a manner that you truly would not only lay own your life for them, but they would do the same for you. A friendship where you really see their soul, and there's nothing they can do which would change your opinion of them. Even when they're at their worst.

Let us be friends like that. Cherish the friends who we are thus connected with right from the start, and develop all our relationships to this point.

1 Corinthians 13:1-6, 9-12
1 THOUGH I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have not charity, I am nothing.
3  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4  Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6  Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
9  For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10  But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11  When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12  For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Is perfect Altruism the answer? I think it's more than that. Is there any bond greater than the friendship I've described here? I think there is; the bond to our family. To our spouses, children, and parents. Many of us might not have such a bond with all three of the aforementioned categories and perhaps our connection to some friend is stronger than to one with whom it should be strongest. Let us develop love within our families.

The German word for charity is Naechstenliebe, which more directly translates to neighbor love. I've tried at times in my life (at work in customer service where I speak with a hundred people a day and form opinions of some of them) to intentionally begin a conversation with the thought of a complete love for the person as though we were best of friends for years. This has helped me to overlook and forgive obvious faults that I might immediately pick up on. You should try this for a day with everyone you meet.

I want to talk about hate for a minute. Hate is a blindness. We cannot see clearly through it and it is a darkness worse than ignorance. I think when I have truly loved someone or when anyone has truly loved someone than they cannot stop. Love is permanent. Hatred is only temporary until we allow ourselves to remove our blindness and accept our friends again for who they truly are and do this whether or not they have changed. It is so hard to be hated by those who once showed their love so freely, whether as friends or more. This, however, shall pass. There is a slim possibility that some of us will be too ensnared by hatred and blindness and, turning full heart to Satan's ways, will never return to the love they once had. Thankfully I do not believe I have ever known a person who this scenario will ultimately describe. So let us do all we can to quell our own hatred and be forgiving, and also to ask others to forgive us. Whether it takes them days, weeks, or years to remove their hatred and accept the love again we should know that we all will. What a comfort this is to me. A lasting peace, and also a desire to try to improve all my relationships, especially those of which I have had a falling out with the other person. Maybe my efforts will affect amelioration sooner rather than later.

Whether I'm right about all of this you can decide for yourself. I love you all who are reading this. Some maybe more than others, but all of you I want to love even more. I ask for your friendship/love/charity in return. Be well!

Current Location: My house
Current Mood: thoughtful

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom 80% Lex Luthor 75% Green Goblin 73% The Joker 72% Magneto 71% Apocalypse 71% Poison Ivy 69% Riddler 65% Mystique 61% Two-Face 61% Dark Phoenix 60% Mr. Freeze 57% Juggernaut 45% Kingpin 44% Catwoman 42% Venom 28%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 90% Spider-Man 75% Wonder Woman 62% Supergirl 57% The Flash 55% Robin 52% Iron Man 50% Green Lantern 45% Batman 40% Hulk 40% Catwoman 40%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Current Location: Meisha's House
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: You Can't Hurry Love

I love you my baby girl!

I read this talk in President Monson's book Pathways to Perfection yesterday.  I thought it was a great telling of the David and Goliath story, then it goes on to still have a great point.  Enjoy. 

First Presidency Message
Meeting Your Goliath

By President Thomas S. Monson
Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Thomas S. Monson, “Meeting Your Goliath,” Ensign, Jan 1987, 2

Of all the battles that have been fought over many centuries in the area of the world known as the Holy Land, no single battle is better remembered than the one which occurred in the Valley of Elah during the year 1063 b.c. Along the mountains on one side, the feared armies of the Philistines were marshaled to march directly to the heart of Judah and the Jordan Valley. On the other side of the valley, King Saul had drawn up his armies in opposition.

Historians tell us that the opposing forces were about evenly matched in number and in skill. However, the Philistines had managed to keep secret their valued knowledge of smelting and fashioning iron into formidable weapons of war. The sound of hammers pounding upon anvils and the sight of smoke rising skyward from many bellows as the smiths went about the task of sharpening weapons and fashioning new ones must have struck fear into the hearts of Saul’s warriors, for even the most novice of soldiers would know the superiority of iron weapons to those of brass.

As often happened when armies faced each other, individual champions challenged others from the opposing forces to single combat. There was considerable precedent for this sort of fighting; and on more than one occasion, notably during the tenure of Samson as judge, battles had been decided by individual combat.

Now, however, the situation was reversed as far as Israel was concerned, and it was a Philistine who dared to challenge all others—a veritable giant of a man called Goliath of Gath. He wore heavy brass armor and a coat of mail. And the staff of his spear would stagger a strong man merely to lift, let alone hurl. His shield was the longest ever seen or heard of, and his sword a fearsome blade.

This champion from the Philistine camp stood and cried unto the armies of Israel: “Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? am not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.” (1 Sam. 17:8.)

His challenge was that if he were overpowered by an Israelite warrior, then all the Philistines would become servants to the Israelites. On the other hand, if he were victorious, the Israelites would become their slaves. Goliath roared: “I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together.” (1 Sam. 17:10.)

For forty days came the challenge, met only by fear and trembling. And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man Goliath, “fled from him, and were sore afraid.” (1 Sam. 17:24.)

There was one, however, who did not quake with fear nor run in alarm. Rather, he stiffened the spine of Israel’s soldiers by his piercing question of rebuke toward them: “Is there not a cause? … Let no man’s heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine.” (1 Sam. 17:19, 32.) David, the shepherd boy, had spoken. But he did not speak just as a shepherd boy. For the hands of the prophet Samuel had rested upon his head and anointed him; and the Spirit of the Lord had come upon him.

Saul said to David: “Thou art not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him: for thou art but a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.” (1 Sam. 17:33.) But David persevered; and bedecked with the armour of Saul, he prepared to meet the giant. Realizing his helplessness so garbed, David discarded the armor, took instead his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag; and with his sling in hand, he drew near to the Philistine.

All of us remember the shocked exclamation of Goliath: “Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? … Come to me, and I will give thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field.” (1 Sam. 17:43–44.)

Then David said: “Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

“This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand … that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.

“And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hands.

“And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came and drew nigh to meet David, that David hasted, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.

“And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it and smote the Philistine in the forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.

So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him.” (1 Sam. 17:45–50.)

The battle had been fought. The victory had been won. David emerged a national hero, his destiny before him.

Some of us remember David as a shepherd boy divinely commissioned by the Lord through the prophet Samuel. Others of us know him as a mighty warrior, for doesn’t the record show the chant of the adoring women following his many victorious battles, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands”? (1 Sam. 18:7.) Or perhaps we look upon him as the inspired poet or as one of Israel’s greatest kings. Still others recall that he violated the laws of God and took Bathsheba, she who belonged to another. He even arranged the death of her husband Uriah. I like to think of David as the righteous lad who had the courage and the faith to face insurmountable odds when all others hesitated, and to redeem the name of Israel by facing that giant in his life—Goliath of Gath.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Long time gone - Dixie Chicks

Current Location: Home
Current Music: Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast - Wayne Newton

For those of you interested in my life blog-style, and the count is that there's three of you out there, I just thought I'd share my plans so you can know how boring my life is. :)  Today, Saturday, I have applied myself to be in the play my stake will be putting on, State Fair.  This one is based off of the 1945 State Fair movie with the I O Ioway song.  I will probably be playing the role of Charlie who is not actually in the movie, but is a photographer that follows the main character reporter, however, rather than going to the practice for this morning I had to work on the brakes on my car because my car has been shaking as I've been coming to a stop which leads me to believe that the discs or whatever you call them need to be rotated. (Grinding them so that they become even.)  I was also supposed to help clean my ward this morning.
I bought a tool kit during the week for this because I haven't had one for a couple years, and this morning came to my mom's house to work on the car.  After I took off the tires I really didn't see that anything needed to be done for the brakes, so I just put the tires back on and will leave it at that for a while.
Due to having missed the first two events which were at 8 and 9 AM, I did some online shopping and organizing, and I'll file my taxes today before I go into work in a couple hours as I have to work Saturdays again.

Tomorrow on Sunday I'll be up at 8 to be to church by 9.  This year our ward is doing sacrament meeting last which is strange because I know some wards to this, but I've never been in a ward before that does.  After church, I'll probably study the scriptures for a few hours then find my way to a family member's house.  Probably Anne's.  Tomorrow is her due date for her little girl so we're all excited for little baby Emma to be born.  
I think I'll go to our stake prayer which is like ward prayer for singles wards, but being in a family ward the singles in my stake get together Sunday evenings for this.  I mostly go to support others because I'm not looking at this moment for another relationship, and besides this it's just not the right age group to be looking in.  Monday is my regular day off, so plans for Monday haven't been made yet, but I'm sure they'll include something like waking up early and trying to find something productive to do.  I expect I'll spend some time cleaning, and possibly go to donate blood because that's been on my todo list for too long.  Actually I do have one firm commitment.  Every Monday and Wednesday now I'm volunteering for an hour as a tutor at a local elementary school.  One little boy Ethan who I tutor I've realized has some problems with dyslexia. (He mixes up letters like reading let, but saying tell, or on/no, words like that.)  I looked a little into this and I think the best thing I can do as a tutor is simply practice with him.

That's the extent of the weekend for me.  I hope to see you all there Monday donating blood too.

 

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Music: As I lay me down - Sophie B. Hawkins

I just wanted to share that quicken tells me I now have more money than I have debt.  Isn't that a relief.  Of course some of it is locked away in my 401k, I should say most of it that is, so I do still owe on one credit card, but even then within 5 months that should be down to $0.00.  Wouldn't you all agree that it's great to not owe.  Now I did set a goal on Sunday.  I'm planning on buying either a house or a condo before Christmas.  I would prefer a house because then I can have roommates to help me with my mortgage, and ultimately that's where I'll end up.  Also, when it comes time to getting married again if there's a basement then I can still rent that out.

So to facilitate this goal I spent the whole of yesterday morning learning about the housing market, different types of mortgages, and everything else I'll need.  Of course with my debt to income ratio now showing almost no debt, I just need to wait the few months it will take for my credit score to jump then I'll be ready.  If anyone has suggestions for me or stories to share, please do.

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: A little fall of rain - Les Miserables

I'd like to share the poem I wrote in fifth grade.  One word has been changed and I write it from memory, although I have a book somewhere of this and others.

The happy Tomato was planted,
deep in the forest one day.
 Winnie the Pooh was laughing
his happy tissues away,
at the Tomato who would soon become
just some katsup in the sun.
Poor little ripe tomato
sitting in the noonday sun.
-Trenton Epperson ca. 1991

Current Location: Mom's house

This is one of my all time favorite books.  I love the musical and the movie and it brings out a lot of thought for me.  I have to say that with this book taking place in a different time, and a different country it really makes me look at the society I live in today and think about what things I do because it's what society has decided is right, and what things I might differ from society on one way or another but feel is an eternal truth.  Until the day comes that we live in a Theocracy and maybe even at that time there will always be a difference from society and what is 100% right.  It's my job in the country I live in to make sure that I am voting to put righteous people into office as Law Makers, and Judges.  So you'll find here a lot of quotes, and a lot of thoughts.  I did read the unabridged translation.  Comment as you like, or have questions.

Society is culpable, in that it does not afford instruction gratis; it is responsible for the night which it produces. This soul is full of shadow; sin is therein committed. The guilty one is not the person who has committed the sin, but the person who has created the shadow."
 What he is saying is that if society doesn't provide for the poor and forces them to steal in the night to commit sin that the thief is not the one who commited the sin.  This may be a very fine line.  Who can justify the sinner?  Only the judge, our Lord Jesus Christ.

"Let us never fear robbers nor murderers. Those are dangers from without, petty dangers. Let us fear ourselves. Prejudices are the real robbers; vices are the real murderers. The great dangers lie within ourselves. What matters it what threatens our head or our purse! Let us think only of that which threatens our soul."

He escaped impetuously, like the wolf who finds his cage open. Instinct said to him, "Flee!" Reason would have said, "Remain!" But in the presence of so violent a temptation, reason vanished; nothing remained but instinct. The beast alone acted.

"Do not forget, never forget, that you have promised to use this money in becoming an honest man."...
"Jean Valjean, my brother, you no longer belong to evil, but to good. It is your soul that I buy from you; I withdraw it from black thoughts and the spirit of perdition, and I give it to God."

...he fell exhausted, on a large stone, his fists clenched in his hair and his face on his knees, and he cried, "I am a wretch!" Then his heart burst, and he began to cry. It was the first time that he had wept in nineteen years.
A broken heart and a contrite spirit.  A change of heart that hed been affecting in him all day.

...that there no longer remained a middle course for him; that if he were not henceforth the best of men, he would be the worst; that it behooved him now, so to speak, to mount higher than the Bishop, or fall lower than the convict; that if he wished to become good be must become an angel; that if he wished to remain evil, he must become a monster?

That which was certain, that which he did not doubt, was that he was no longer the same man, that everything about him was changed, that it was no longer in his power to make it as though the Bishop had not spoken to him and had not touched him.

there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators."

What is this history of Fantine? It is society purchasing a slave. 
From whom? From misery. From hunger, cold, isolation, destitution. A dolorous bargain. A soul for a morsel of bread. Misery offers; society accepts. The sacred law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization, but it does not, as yet, permeate it; it is said that slavery has disappeared from European civilization. This is a mistake. It still exists; but it weighs only upon the woman, and it is called prostitution.

All has happened to her that will happen to her. She has felt everything, borne everything, experienced everything, suffered everything, lost everything, mourned everything.
A thought, Today adoption for a mother you know you are giving your child a good home.  Fantine never saw cozette again either, but how blessed a birth mother is who knows that situation to which she has given her child, and those parents.

...this angel, this liberator, was the very man whom she abhorred, that mayor whom she had so long regarded as the author of all her woes, that Madeleine!
False perceptions left festering.  When one wants to blame another and judges the result can be such hatred.

You see this hell from which you have just emerged is the first form of heaven. It was necessary to begin there.

...so long as he had compared himself only to the Bishop, he had regarded himself as unworthy and had remained humble; but for some time past he had been comparing himself to men in general, and pride was beginning to spring up. Who knows? He might have ended by returning very gradually to hatred.

Noble and mysterious triumphs which no eye beholds, which are requited with no renown, which are saluted with no trumpet blast. Life, misfortune, isolation, abandonment, poverty, are the fields of battle which have their heroes; obscure heroes, who are, sometimes, grander than the heroes who win renown.
This is almost the grandest point of the book.  It sheds a lot of light on the purpose of life.  Every soul matters and makes a difference.  No matter how insignificant it seems.  If only we touch the life of just one person then it has made a difference.  We want to be big, and we want to be great.  Let's learn from this experience that even if no one knows our acts, we must none the less do all we can with our little space in life.

It is the same with wretchedness as with everything else. It ends by becoming bearable. It finally assumes a form, and adjusts itself.

It had required years for Marius to attain to this flourishing condition. Hard years; difficult, some of them, to traverse, others to climb. Marius had not failed for a single day. He had endured everything in the way of destitution; he had done everything except contract debts. He did himself the justice to say that he had never owed any one a sou. A debt was, to him, the beginning of slavery. He even said to himself, that a creditor is worse than a master; for the master possesses only your person, a creditor possesses your dignity and can administer to it a box on the ear. Rather than borrow, he went without food. He had passed many a day fasting.

Poverty in youth, when it succeeds, has this magnificent property about it, that it turns the whole will towards effort, and the whole soul towards aspiration. Poverty instantly lays material life bare and renders it hideous; hence inexpressible bounds towards the ideal life.

What is necessary to cause these spectres to vanish? Light. Light in floods. Not a single bat can resist the dawn. Light up society from below.

They appeared very corrupt and very depraved, no doubt, very vile, very odious even; but those who fall without becoming degraded are rare; besides, there is a point where the unfortunate and the infamous unite and are confounded in a single word, a fatal word, the miserable; whose fault is this? And then should not the charity be all the more profound, in proportion as the fall is great?
This is a quote speaking of the Jondretts, aka Thernardiers, they had lost their inn, and were now living in London having become werse people than they previously were.  Shouldn't we still have compassion though.  For me, I don't care what a person did to put themselves in the position they're in.  I'm also not going to require them to change no matter how much I desire it.  I will help them to change if allowed, but I will nonetheless bestow charity where I can on those less fortunate than I.

...he had discontinued his work, and nothing is more dangerous than discontinued work; it is a habit which vanishes. A habit which is easy to get rid of, and difficult to take up again. A certain amount of dreaming is good, like a narcotic in discreet doses. It lulls to sleep the fevers of the mind at labor, which are sometimes severe, and produces in the spirit a soft and fresh vapor which corrects the over-harsh contours of pure thought, fills in gaps here and there, binds together and rounds off the angles of the ideas. But too much dreaming sinks and drowns. Woe to the brain-worker who allows himself to fall entirely from thought into revery! He thinks that he can re-ascend with equal ease, and he tells himself that, after all, it is the same thing. Error!

To pay compliments to the woman whom a man loves is the first method of bestowing caresses, and he is half audacious who tries it. A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.

It is an error to think that passion, when it is pure and happy, leads man to a state of perfection; it simply leads him, as we have noted, to a state of oblivion. In this situation, man forgets to be bad, but he also forgets to be good. Gratitude, duty, matters essential and important to be remembered, vanish.

It is a terrible thing to be happy! How content one is! How all-sufficient one finds it! How, being in possession of the false object of life, happiness, one forgets the true object, duty!

"I told the truth," replied Jean Valjean. "No," retorted Marius, "the truth is the whole truth; and that you did not tell.

"It is nothing to die; it is dreadful not to live."

No doubt, in the gloom, some immense angel stood erect with wings outspread, awaiting that soul.
Speaking on the death of Jean Valjean.

So there's the quotes I picked out from first reading this book through.  The fact that it's over 1,000 pages leads me to feel it will be sometime before I make the endeavor again.  It's emotional and I will admit I cried many times while reading the book.  What a rarity.  Especially while reading of the evil practices of men who tempted Fantine to sell her own teeth for the money which would be sent to take care of Cosette.  I will end this post with the prologue to the book.  (Sorry that I'm not taking the time to format it for paragraphs.)
( Read more... ) 

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: All the Pretty Little Ponies - Kenny Loggins

Just a couple quotes.  Sorry, but you'll have to comment if you want me to translate into English.  Comments are always welcome.

 »Hat kein Zweck, dazuhocken und sich Sorgen zu ma chen«, sagte er. »Was kommen muss, wird kommen, und wenn es da ist, nehmen wir den Kampf auf.
Whether it is death or hardships or what not, we need to understand that it is part of life and does not fall outside God's plan.

Denkt an Cedric. Erinnert euch an ihn, wenn einmal die Zeit kommt, da ihr euch entscheiden müsst zwischen dem, was richtig ist, und dem, was bequem ist.

Noch hat es keinen Sinn, sich Sorgen zu machen, dachte er,... Wie Hagrid gesagt hatte, was kommen musste, würde kommen ... und wenn es da war, würde er den Kampf aufnehmen müssen.

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Long Time Gone - The Dixie Chicks

 More quotes from the fourth book in the series.  Since this book there have been more books written which more parallel other books but do not go forward in time as a sequal to this one.  Of those I've read Ender's Shadoow but not the others.  Someday they'll be at the top of my reading list.  For now though I'm focused on some other books.  So here are the quotes and thoughts.

"Oh, you're willing to concede God's existence, but that's not what I meant. I mean believe in him the way a mother means it when she says to her son, I believe in you. She's not saying she believes that he exists-- what is that worth? --she's saying she believes in his future, she trusts that he'll do all the good that is in him to do. She puts the future in his hands, that's how she believes in him.

Ua Lava. - a Samoan term, with the literal meaning 'Now enough,' but which is translated more accurately as, 'enough already!'...
It's not enough just to laugh at good fortune and say, 'Enough already.' You have to really mean it-- that you have enough. And because you mean it, you take the surplus and you give it away. Similarly, when bad fortune comes, you bear it until it becomes unbearable-- your family is hungry, or you can no longer function in your work. And then again you say, 'Enough already,' and you change something. You move; you change careers; you let your spouse make all the decisions. Something. You don't endure the unendurable."
Ultimately when things get so bad you say this and make radical changes to your life to fix the situation.

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Birken Street, Peter Breinhold

 The third book in the Ender's Game Saga.  Probably my least favorite of them, but still worth the read.

Door-Waiting, Counting-to-Multiples-of-Five, Object-Counting, Checking-for-Accidental-Murders, Fingernail-Tearing, Skin-Scraping, Pulling-Out-of-Hair, Gnawing-at-Stone, Bugging-Out-of-Eyes
These are described in the book as ways people with OCD demonstrate or act out their compulsions.  How sad it makes me feel for people who must live with such a disorder.

"So the Life of Human may be universally true, but specifically false." 
"Yes," said Han Fei-tzu. "You can read the book and gain great wisdom from it, because it is true.
Many works of fiction like this one and fairy tales, etc. will teach morals and true ideas, while the specific story may be false.  Whether parable or reality the wisdom remains true and we need not dispute the accuracy of the event.

I have too many secrets, thought Ender. For all these years I've been a speaker for the dead, uncovering secrets and helping people to live in the light of truth. Now I no longer tell anyone half of what I know, because if I told the whole truth there would be fear, hatred, brutality, murder, war.
Is this an acceptable example of an appropriate lie, or should the truth be told always up front then work out the problems others have with the truth.  The alternative is lying while working for others to be ready for the truth.  Who can be the judge here?

-I want to call back the blackberry flowers that have fallen though pear blossoms remain- The poet Li Qing-jao knew the pain of regretting words that have already fallen from our lips and can never be called back. But she was wise enough to remember that even though those words are gone, there are still new words waiting to be said, like the pear blossoms.

"Why must our finest minds be grouped in our most unstable family?" murmured the Bishop. 
"They aren't the most unstable family, Bishop Peregrino," said Valentine. "They're merely the family whose inner quakings cause the most perturbation at the surface.
The truth to this is that all people have their problems, some are simply more outwardly manifested.

"You have always been useless. But that doesn't mean you aren't necessary." 
"What do you mean?" 
"Happiness can depend as easily on useless things as on useful ones."

"The future is a hundred thousand threads, but the past is a fabric that can never be rewoven."

I'm going to try a cut here because I'm going to include a long quote.  It might not be appropriate for very young children or for the faint of heart.  It's a part of the book describing a girls forced test to find a way to deal with OCD.  Although this is a work of fiction it really causes me to think about those in this world who are suffering with ailments sometimes with no way out.  I do hope that the Lord's grace is sufficient for them that he will carry their burdens and make them light if they turn to Him.  I also hope that if I ever have such an ailment that I might have the strength and courage to go on as so many millions do on the earth today. 

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: I Hear a Symphony - Diana Ross & The Supremes

It's been a while since I posted. This has turned out to be harder than I thought it would be. I guess it's like writing in a paper journal, it will take some dedication. I wanted to throw some posts down with quotes and thoughts from the books I've read in the last couple months. I read the Ender's series again, no thoughts at present from the first book Ender's Game, but from the second book Speaker for the Dead, here goes.

Truth to tell, she would love to have him along. Much as she loved Jakt, she missed the constant closeness that she and Ender used to have before she married. It would be years before she and Jakt could possibly be as tightly bound together as she and her brother were. Jakt knew it, too, and it caused him some pain; a husband shouldn't have to compete with his brother-in-law for the devotion of his wife.
So it is. This closeness may take years to develop to pass up the closeness we already have with those we've known a long time, but what should we do while our love for our spouse is increasing? We need to be faithful to them. 100% and devote to them in early years all of ourselves that we will devote in latter years.

"His name was Ender, and he destroyed everything he touched."
..."Oh? And what do you know of him?"..."How do you know there wasn't something that he touched kindly? Someone who loved him, who was blessed by his love?"
When we see a person as god sees them we will love them.

"He hated himself for what he had done. He tried to stay away. For months, sometimes years, he succeeded. Novinha also tried. She refused to see him, even to speak to him. She forbade her children to mention him. Then Libo would think that he was strong enough to see her without falling back into the old way. Novinha would be so lonely with her husband who could never measure up to Libo. They never pretended there was anything good about what they were doing. They just couldn't live for long without it."...
"Novinha knew what she was. An adulteress, a hypocrite. She knew she was hurting Marc o, Libo, her children, Bruxinha. She knew she had killed Pipo. So she endured, even invited Marc o's punishment. It was her penance. It was never penance enough. No matter how much Marc o might hate her, she hated herself much more."
When I find myself knowing that I am hurting people with lies, deception, etc., I must have the courage to end it.

A great rabbi stands teaching in the marketplace. It happens that a husband finds proof that morning of his wife's adultery, and a mob carries her to the marketplace to stone her to death. (There is a familiar version of this story, but a friend of mine, a Speaker for the Dead, has told me of two other rabbis that faced the same situation. Those are the ones I'm going to tell you.) The rabbi walks forward and stands beside the woman. Out of respect for him the mob forbears, and waits with the stones heavy in their hands, "Is there anyone here," he says to them, "who has not desired another man's wife, another woman's husband?" They murmur and say, "We all know the desire. But, Rabbi, none of us has acted on it." The rabbi says, "Then kneel down and give thanks that God made you strong." He takes the woman by the hand and leads her out of the market. Just before he lets her go, he whispers to her, "Tell the lord magistrate who saved his mistress. Then he'll know I am his loyal servant." So the woman lives, because the community is too corrupt to protect itself from disorder. Another rabbi, another city, He goes to her and stops the mob, as in the other story, and says, "Which of you is without sin? Let him cast the first stone." The people are abashed, and they forget their unity of purpose in the memory of their own individual sins. Someday, they think, I may be like this woman, and I'll hope for forgiveness and another chance. I should treat her the way I wish to be treated. As they open their hands and let the stones fall to the ground, the rabbi picks up one of the fallen stones, lifts it high over the woman's head, and throws it straight down with all his might. It crushes her skull and dashes her brains onto the cobblestones. "Nor am I without sin," he says to the people. "But if we allow only perfect people to enforce the law, the law will soon be dead, and our city with it." So the woman died because her community was too rigid to endure her deviance..
The famous version of this story is noteworthy because it is so startlingly rare in our experience. Most communities lurch between decay and rigor mortis, and when they veer too far, they die. Only one rabbi dared to expect of us such a perfect balance that we could preserve the law and still forgive the deviation. So, of course, we killed him.

The next quote.
"It's easy to tell the truth," said Mother softly, "when you don't love anybody." "Is that what you think?" said Ela. "I think I know something, Mother. I think you can't possibly know the truth about somebody unless you love them."

Science refuses to admit any cause except first cause-- knock down one domino, the one next to it also falls. But when it comes to human beings, the only type of cause that matters is final cause, the purpose. What a person had in mind. Once you understand what people really want, you can't hate them anymore. You can fear them, but you can't hate them...
The ends don't justify the means, but for many whose means are appalling, when we love them we see they were innocent.  For others, when we love them we see their means as still wrong, and it was known to be wrong by the person who did it when initiated, but we will forgive.

By Novinha's calculations, she was still young enough to have another six children, if they hurried. They set at the task with a will.
Isn't love and family joyful.

Current Location: Mom's house
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Stronger Woman - Jewel

I wanted to say some things about this week.  I think it's been a really good one as I look back on it.  There's nothing exactly tangible that has made it so, but it just seemed to work out and I feel like I accomplished life during the past week.

Today I had stake conference.  My old stake presidency has been in for over nine years now.  Well, they're released, and they're in for about a week of rest before they're given new callings next Sunday.  As for the curriculum this week, I am so very excited to be studying Joseph Smith for the next two years.  Most of you would have received the first lesson today (as noone reads this journal except for two people right now this was probably at least months ago for you) but I will have to wait until next week.  My secret;  I have the book. :)  I encourage everyone to get the manual and read through the lessons, and take part in the discussions on Sunday.  You'll be so uplifted by this.  Joseph Smith was a great man, and through him the Lord restored his church and gave us the fullness of His gospel.  I am indebted for all eternity to my Savior for His acts of taking my sins upon Him.  

Farewell my friends. 

Current Location: Mom's House
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Consider the Lilies